八、確定認對和諧──取得一些 (getting a piece) 和創造和諧 (making peace) 大不相同。在你個人、社會、事業生涯中，會遇到許多談判的機會；事實上，每件事都與交涉有關，學習談判是很重要的技術。
開懷笑也是種藥。確實有科學的證據顯示，快樂的人是比較健康的人，而開懷笑是良藥。醫學研究指出：開懷笑，提高 endorphins （體內天然止痛劑）的含量，並壓抑腎上腺素（緊張賀爾蒙）的含量。諾曼‧卡森斯的〈疾病解剖〉書中談到，看喜劇片如何幫他從預計會致命的疾病中復原。這本書開啟了幽默對肉體健康效果的科學研究，是普遍被肯定的。
7. Take control of your emotions instead of letting your emotions take control you: This is a tough one. It is much easier to say than to do. Managing your emotions means deciding how you feel. It doesn’t mean you have no feelings. Carol and my mother-in-law used to get lost driving the car. Instead of getting upset about getting lost, they turned it into a sort of adventure and laughed about it. They turned what could have been an aggravating experience into a fun one. When Carol and I travel around the world we often run into experiences that could be frustrating and irritating. We turn them into adventures and experiences to laugh about. That’s what I mean about managing you emotions.
Here’s another way to think about it. Whistle a happy tune is a wonderful old song from the musical play The King and I. It provides good insight on how to manage your emotions. Here are the lyrics:
Whenever I feel afraid I hold my head erect and whistle a happy tune so no one will suspect I’m afraid.
While shivering in my shoes I strike a careless pose and whistle a happy tune and no one ever knows I’m afraid.
The result of this deception is very strange to tell for when I fool the people I fear I fool myself as well!
I whistle a happy tune and every single time the happiness in the tune convinces me that I’m not afraid.
Make believe you’re brave and the trick will take you far.
You may be as brave as you make believe you are
You may be as brave as you make believe you are.
8. Be sure to spell peace right: There’s a big difference between getting a piece and making peace. Throughout your personal, social and business lives you will encounter many opportunities to negotiate. Actually, almost everything is subject to negotiation. Learning to negotiate is an important skill.
Yitzhak Rabin, a brilliant former Prime Minister of Israel observed, that you make peace with your enemy (the other side(s)). Nelson Mandela, President of South Africa said “If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.”
I learned about negotiation from a former US State Department executive that was involved in negotiating solutions to the most delicate international matters. He taught me that serious negotiation starts with understanding your own needs and the needs of the other parties. I must note that here is a big difference between “positions” and “needs”. Positions are how one side or another proposes to satisfy a need of theirs. When positions are incompatible, it does not mean that satisfying the underlying need is unattainable. There may be many other approaches to satisfying the need that will also eliminate the conflict. So get rid of positions and focus on needs. Once the parties understand both their own needs and the needs of their adversaries and the needs are acknowledged by all the parties, it is time to define what needs to be negotiated and agreed upon. Once that is done, take the issues that do not require agreement off the table. Next, begin working out agreements on the easiest issues and progress along a path to the more difficult ones. Keep your eye on the ball. The object is to create peace not to get a piece. On some matters each side will have to give a bit. That usually means redefining needs.
9. True happiness comes from contributing to other people’s happiness. Be happy to share: You will never experience true happiness by collecting or receiving people or things. True happiness and a genuine sense of fulfillment come from giving.
Earlier, I told you about ShipCom a company in which I am the largest shareholder. I bought the company almost 5-years ago. To this day, the company has not had a profitable month. Every month our family sends money to ShipCom to pay salaries and expenses. And every month our partner works at ShipCom without a salary.
Any reasonable business person would ask, “Why would we do such a thing?” I don’t have a good businessman’s answer, but I do know why we do it. First, we believe that we are doing something worth doing. We save lives, provide a needed emergency and communication service and there would be no one to do it if we quit. Also, we believe that doing the right thing will turn out to be good for us. Because we kept this business going we were able to help the Coast Guard save 33,000 lives. Guess how good that feels.
Because we’ve stayed in business, we were also able to solve the Interoperability problem which may be a major business for us and an important solution for homeland security. And in the past 2-months we have been presented with 3 more business opportunities that could turn ShipCom into a very profitable company. None of that would have happened if we were not there. So, while we are in business to make money, there are other compensations even more important to our family and our partner, not the least of which is the knowledge that we contribute to the safety and happiness of others.
10. Learn to learn for the experience of others. Will Rogers was a very famous entertainer of the early 1900s. He identified three kinds of people and how they learn. According to Rogers there are a few people who, “… can learn by reading, a few who can learn by observation and the vast majority who just have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.”
Learn to learn from reading and from the experience of others. That will reduce the effects of some of your mistakes and will even help you avoid some serious mistakes. But make no mistake about it; you will make mistakes, plenty of them. So when you pee on the electric fence the first time, learn from it so you don’t have to experience it again. Of course the next electric fence will be camouflaged so it is not easy to recognize. Get used to the idea that life is full of surprises and not all of them are pleasant but all of them have lessons you can learn to make you a better person and your life more meaningful.
11. Humor is a lubricant: Humor can take the stress out of any situation in the blink of an eye. Henny Youngman, a famous comedian too old for any of you to know, was a dear friend of mine. Henny and I were to have lunch at the Carnegie delicatessen only a few blocks from Henny’s home at 55th and the Avenue of the Americas. I walked to Henny’s apartment, across the street of my hotel to pick him up for lunch. As I stepped into the apartment I noticed that Henny’s wife, Sadie, was seated in the far corner of the living room watching TV. She had just returned from her sister’s funeral and was sadly quite. When Sadie saw me enter the room she nodded to me and I nodded back, a silent hello. Henny was putting on his coat and did not see Sadie and I welcome each other. He noticed a check on the dining area table and asked Sadie if she had paid a bill. “No”, she said. At that Henny got irritated and began to argue about paying the bills. Then he said, “and besides that, you were rude to Bob when he came in”. “I wasn’t rude to Bob”, Sadie said. “You were rude to Bob”, Henny responded. “No I wasn’t rude to Bob”, Sadie replied. Henny came back with “I say you were rude to Bob and you say you weren’t rude to Bob. Who are you going to believe, you or me?” Laughter ended the argument.
Laughter is also medicine. There is definite scientific evidence that happy people are healthier people and that laughter itself is a cure.
Medical studies indicate that laughter boosts levels of endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, and suppresses levels of epinephrine, the stress hormone. Norman Cousins, whose book Anatomy of an Illness tells how watching comedic movies helped him recover from an illness that was predicted to be fatal. The book is generally credited with starting the scientific study of the effect of humor on physical wellness.
Studies have shown that laughter produces significant beneficial physiological effects on the immune system. A good laugh has also been shown to exercise the cardiovascular system by raising and lowering the heart rate and blood pressure; improve coordination of brain functions, thereby enhancing alertness and memory; lift depression; reduce stress; bring pain relief; aid ventilation and clear mucus in the respiratory system; increase blood oxygen by bringing in fresh air; and strengthen internal muscles by tightening and releasing them. One doctor says that 20 seconds of guffawing gives the heart the same workout as three minutes of hard rowing.
So to keep both your relationships and your body healthy and happy, be sure to share a large helping of humor every day.
(standing, from left to right) Nancy Chu, Robert & Carol Block, Chinpo Chen (volunteer doctor), Tara Kandahsari, Yvonne Chen & Julia Ha (1st row)