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BODHI FIELD

一份童年的回憶
A Childhood Memory

培德女高11年級 何心安 2005年2月25日講於萬佛城大殿
A Talk by Julia Ha (11th grader, Developing Virtue GirlS School) on February 25, 2005 in the Buddha hall at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas
永明 中譯 Chinese translated by Yung Ming

在很小還沒多少記憶時,我就皈依上人了。上人於1995年入涅槃,那時我才七歲,真可惜我的記憶有限,不過我願意就所記得的跟大家分享一二。

我對上人最深刻的印象之一,是在五歲時,家人來這裡參加法會;這個佛殿內擠滿了人,我和媽媽站在男眾這邊的後面等。大殿內很安靜,我不明白為什麼要等和在等待什麼?便問母親;媽媽沒說什麼,只要我安靜。不久聽到開門聲,我轉頭看,很多人也回頭。

那是通祖師殿的門,我看見上人和幾位法師走出來,走得很慢。他們走過後面的觀音像,然後到中央的走道;當他們行進時,佛殿內每個人都面向中央對上人問訊。

這聽起來有點不尋常,但對我而言,上人帶著一種巨大的力量;光注視他走入,就是我所無法形容的。我感受到這股氣、這溫暖,受到十足的震撼;那份感受,至今印象深刻。雖然以前我常去法界總辦事處、金山寺、金聖寺、法界聖城,去聽上人講法,直到那一天,我才體會到上人的威神力。

對上人其他片段的記憶,是在他入涅槃後。我還記得那個焚燒窯,和開關啟動 時的凝重氣氛;也記得圍繞的大眾,和他 們的眼淚;我記得坐在燒窯前、念佛、看著周圍的人;還有,站在齋堂前,看著熱氣球慢慢升空。

或許因為年幼,我對上人的示寂,沒有像別人那樣深受影響;當時我不明究理 ,哭只因別人哭。多年後的今天,我才明白:曾經見過上人的面,乃至於踏入了這金碧輝煌的山門,自己是多麼有幸。

自我出生起,家父母就幾乎每個月帶我到萬佛聖城來,因此使我深受佛教的影響。沒有上人和佛教的教誨 ,我的人生將完全改變,不會像現在這麼順利。對城外的人而言,我這個不吃肉的小孩,真的很怪異;但不吃肉,是我成長中生活的準則 ,也是家父母的準則──這些都拜上人和佛教所賜。


I took refuge with the Venerable Master at such a young age that I have not much memory of it. When the Venerable Master passed away in 1995, I was only seven years old, and hence unfortunately I do not remember much about him. However, I would like to share with all of you some of the memories that I still have of him.

My deepest memory of the Venerable Master is one where I was about five years old. My family was attending a ceremony here and the Buddha Hall was packed — filled up all the way to the back. I stood near the back of the men’s side with my mom, waiting for something. It was quiet in the hall and I didn’t know why and what we were waiting for so I asked my mom. My mom didn’t tell me anything though — she just told me to be quiet. Soon I heard a door opening and I turned around, as did many other people.

It turned out to be the door to the Patriarch Hall and while I was looking, I saw the Venerable Master and several other Dharma Masters walking out, ever so slowly. They walked around the Guan Yin statue in the back and started walking down this middle aisle here. As they walked down, everyone in the Buddha Hall turned to face the center aisle and made a half bow.

Though this sounds a bit extraordinary, as for myself, just watching the Venerable Master walking down the aisle stirred up such a powerful feeling that it was beyond description. I felt this energy, and its warmth, which totally awe-inspired me. Till this day, I still remember that feeling. Even though I often saw the Venerable Master, having gone to lectures in branch temples, including the temples in Burlingame, Gold Mountain Monastery, Gold Sage Monastery, and the City of the Dharma Realm, I never knew how great the Venerable Master was until that day.

Other memories of the Venerable Master took place after he had passed away. However, I only remember bits and pieces: the cremator, the tense and grave feeling when the cremation switch was turned on, all the people there and their tearful eyes as I myself sat in front of the cremator, reciting and observing. I also remember standing in front of the Dining Hall, watching the hot-air balloon rising slowly into the air.

Maybe because I was so young, the Venerable Master’s passing didn’t affect me in the same way as it did other people. I cried because other people cried, not because I knew why. However, years later now, I realize how lucky I am to even have met the Venerable Master or to have even stepped past the golden arches of the Mountain Gate.

My parents brought me to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas nearly every month since I was born so I have a great deal of Buddhist influence in my background. Without the Venerable Master and the Dharma, my life would have been totally different, probably not as smooth as it is now. To a lot of people outside the City, I am really strange because I don’t eat meat; to me, it’s not, because the principle of vegetarianism has been the guideline in my growing up, and a guideline by which my parents live — all these owes to the Venerable Master and the Dharma.

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