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諸佛菩薩、師父上人、諸位法師、各位善知識大家好！
非常感恩，今天給我學習機會，讓我在諸位面前倒出我心底深處的一句話－－「師父，我好想您。」我想藉我在上人身邊時發生的小故事，來表達我內心對師父的感恩和深切懷念之萬一。
事情發生在1992年馬利蘭州的華嚴精舍。當時上人為了世界和平，抱病去白宮與美國總統會晤，同時又在華嚴精舍為大眾弘法，就在華嚴精舍我見到上人。不知什麼因緣，自我見到上人那天開始，至上人離開華嚴精舍為止，我每天都能在上人身邊；曾有兩次我還看到過他老人家現了佛的形相，可惜我有眼無珠，想不到他是古佛再來。當時我愚癡地只知道跪在他老人家面前受加持，卻不知根據自己具體的情況向他老人家請法，錯過這個機緣實在太可惜了。
一碗粥的故事就是這個期間發生的。
那時在上人身邊的有古果英、胡果浩和李居士（記不清他名字）三人。一天果英說她要出去辦事，讓我替她給上人煮大米稀飯。我很高興地答應了，心想那太簡單了，所以仍在大殿裏繼續繞了一會佛，估計時間差不多了，便到廚房去煮粥；果浩則在那做餅、炒菜。通常我煮粥開始用大火滾，然後小火燜，這樣易爛好吃。沒料到果浩的餅做好了，菜也炒成了，可我的稀飯仍然不好。這下我可急了，果浩便把熬粥的小火改放大火，說上人吃飯有固定時間。頓時我的心七上八下地翻騰，後悔應早點做，又奇怪這是什麼米，按時間算早應煮好？這米真找我麻煩！此時此刻我的眼睛不斷地轉，一會看鍋裏的粥，一會又轉向果浩的臉，內心自責自己真無用。
時間到了，果浩只好盛了一碗稀飯放到大盤子裡，上樓給上人送飯去了。我像木乃伊似地呆呆站在那裏，眼睛望著鍋裏繼續煮的粥，心卻隨著上了樓。果浩一直沒回來，這時粥也好了；我上樓去看看，原來果浩蹲在師父門前，不知是入定還是打瞌睡。我問他為什麼不把飯送進去？他說，「師父關著門在打坐。」我高興得急忙換了一碗，剛送上樓，上人開了門。
這樁事我一直認為是巧合，那時的我怎知上人是聖人呢？到了聖城我才明白，上人為了解除我的內疚與自責，拖延了自己用餐的時間。我非常感恩上人的慈悲。
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Buddhas, Bodhisattvas, Venerable Master, Dharma Masters, and good advisors: Greetings to everyone!
I am very grateful to have this opportunity to share with you these words from the bottom of my heart: Venerable Master, I miss you!
I would like to express, albeit inadequately, my gratitude and nostalgia towards the Master by sharing a personal experience I had with the Master.
The story involves a bowl of rice gruel. The incident occurred in 1992 at the Avatamsaka Hermitage in Maryland. At that time, the Venerable Master, despite his illness, was attending a Presidential Conference at the White House for the sake of world peace. The Master was also speaking Dharma at Avatamsaka Hermitage, and that's where I met him. Under the circumstances, I was able to be with the Master from the day I met him until he departed from the Hermitage. I saw him manifest the appearance of a Buddha twice, but I was too blind to figure out that he was an ancient Buddha come to the world. In my foolishness, I only knew to kneel in front of the Master to seek his blessing, but did not request Dharma advice concerning my personal situation. It's a great pity that I missed my chance.
The incident of the bowl of rice gruel happened during that time. The Venerable Master had three attendants: Guo-Ying Koo, Guo-Hao Hu, and Upasaka Li (I don’t remember his name). One day Guo-Ying told me she needed to take care of some business and asked me to help cook rice gruel for the Master. I happily agreed, thinking, “That's easy enough.” I circumambulated a while longer in the Buddha Hall, then went to the kitchen when I thought it was about time to starting cooking the gruel. Upasaka Guo-Hao was there making biscuits and stir-frying vegetables. I usually cook the rice on high until it boils, then put the lid on and let it simmer on low. That way, the rice softens easily and tastes very good. By the time the biscuits and vegetable dishes were done, however, the rice was still uncooked. I started getting nervous. Guo-Hao turned the heat on high, saying that the Venerable Master ate at a fixed time. My heart started thumping wildly, as I regretted not starting earlier and wondered what kind of rice it was anyway. It should have been done much earlier. What a hassle! My eyes kept moving between the pot and Guo-Hao's face, while I scolded myself silently for being so useless.
It was time to serve the meal, so Guo-Hao set a bowl of rice gruel on the tray and went upstairs to deliver the Master his meal. I remained transfixed like a mummy, staring at the gruel still cooking in the pot, while my mind followed Guo-Hao upstairs. Guo-Hao didn't come down for a long time, and the gruel was finally done. I went upstairs to take a look and found Guo-Hao squatting in front of the Master's door. He seemed to be in a trance or asleep. “Why haven't you served the meal?” I asked him. He said, “The Master's door is closed, which means he is still meditating.” I rejoiced and quickly exchanged the bowl of rice gruel on the tray. As soon as I had done so, the Master opened the door. I thought it was a coincidence then. How could I have known that the Master was a sage? It was only after I came to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas that I realized that the Master had delayed his mealtime to save me from guilt and self-reproach. I am deeply grateful to the Master for his compassion.
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