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菩提田

 

BODHI FIELD

獻給師父上人
A Tribute to the Venerable Master

洪藍英 文 by Celeste M. Ang (Singapore) on 8 Jan 2003
孫麗鈺 中譯 Chinese Translation by Li Yu Sun

在我房間書桌正前方的牆壁上,掛著一張 宣公上人的照片。

每天,他都對著我微笑,笑容裡蘊藏有無盡的大悲。當我一抬頭,看到他那慈祥的眼神與和靄的表情時,一種安心的感覺頓使我覺得溫暖踏實多了。彷彿他正在向我說“Everything is okay.”(一切都好)他常說的老話。

去年在讀了一些他的佛經解釋之後,對這位了不起的人物,我簡直敬佩得無以復加。是他,單憑一己的力量,硬是將真正的佛法從東土傳揚到西方世界。他的功德何其大,沒有他,就沒有今天的萬佛聖城。他以他的大悲願力,使百千萬的生靈尤其是卑微的眾生得以感化受度;和追隨他的許許多多徒弟與孫眾,影響所及者。

我對佛教發生興趣是1995年的事,因為那時候我正霉運當頭,碰到了一大堆麻煩,四處跑道場,想找出幫忙解決問題的辦法。之後,我進一步明白了神性,更恰當地說,應該是佛性,其實它並不存在外界的某個地方;無論人在膚色、種族或宗教上的不同,它都是人人內裡本來具有的。佛性一直都在那裡,也永遠不會消失,只因我們在現在和過去無數生中,造了無邊的罪業,受到這些煩惱塵的遮障,我們才忘卻自家本有的「明鏡臺」。

我一向受的是英文教育,要想讀懂中文經典勢必得花上相當漫長的時間。所以去年一月份,當我姊姊在市集廣場的素食攤上,無意中發現了一本宣公上人英文版的〈佛教介紹〉的書,並拿來給我時,甭提我有多高興了。這本小巧卻不失重大意義的小冊子中,給我印象最深刻的是一句上人說的「尋找明師太重要了」,這句話觸動了我,當下知道自己要尋找的明師就是「他」了。

不過說老實話,要找到英文佛經來讀還挺不容易。雖然我讀過一些其他的翻譯書,但是由美國佛經翻譯委員會出版的英文佛典,都是逐字逐句翻譯的,譯文順暢而且簡明可喜,於是我決定去新加坡的「佛經流通中心」走一趟。猶記得一進到流通中心的圖書部門時,心下立刻感覺:終於,給我找到寶庫了。架上整整齊齊排列著都是法寶,但令我失望的是,人家卻告訴我這位了不起的人已不在世間了。只是我也明白自己終於找到歸「家」的正確道路了。

接下來幾個月,只要有空我都儘量參加「佛經流通中心」的活動。那裡有許多善知識,他們教我在道場和課誦時應該注意的種種規矩。對這許多幫助我的優婆塞和優婆夷,我對他們確是心存感激的。

受到內心的驅動,我開始幫圖書館作系統分類和目錄編排。一天,我忽然得到這麼一句話:「弘法不僅僅只是講法,要緊的是要弘揚正法」。「佛經流通中心」圖書館是在1999年由幾名開路先鋒發心創立的,懷著希望這個圖書館的系統編類能日臻完善的願心,我和姊姊都加入了館務義工陣容。我們只期盼,藉著自己在這個領域的專才,也能儘量幫助宣揚 上人的教化給許多人知道。那麼,在感恩 上人先度了我們的同時,我們能這麼做,也等於替 上人圓滿他度眾生的心願了。

一路上,英文佛經我讀得愈多,對釋迦牟尼佛教化我們的苦心孤詣,也了解得愈見深刻。時或讀經,時或聽法語錄音帶,時或學咒,也翻閱「金剛菩提海」過去的期刊來看,就這樣,我似乎跟這位偉大的上師產生了某種聯繫。萬佛城和 上人建立的其他道場都有定期出刊的佛友通訊,通過閱讀上面的文章,有時我感到上人就像在直接跟我說話似的。還記得在“墓中僧”這篇文章中,頭一次讀到他作的詩,淚水迅速湧進了我的眼睛,連喉頭也突然哽咽得不能自已。我邊拭去淚水,邊想大概是詩中那意蘊深長、感人肺腑的字句催我下淚的吧。

一個月接一個月地讀「金剛菩提海」期刊,我對刊中所報導的萬佛聖城中發生的各類大小事件,似乎也產生了臨場感,彷彿自己正置身其中並親眼目睹。當我息心冥想的時候,師父也好像正在面前對我說法…。所以有時候,我甚至感到自己在過去世或前生一定做過追隨他的弟子,否則不會這麼自然地稱他為「師父上人」,而不管今生根本無緣親見他老人家的面。

伴著萬佛城日益茁壯中的點點滴滴,我覺得自己也在成長,彷彿在過去的幾年中,師父一直在對我耳提面命地說法。但是,突然間當我的手觸摸到1995年的期刊,整顆心立刻下沉,因為我知道將會讀到師父圓寂的消息。與師父的因緣如此之深,當然感受也就分外痛苦。在2002年12月21日(阿彌陀佛聖誕)這一天,當我翻到 上人示寂讚頌委員會的卦聞時,整面是一大張照片,上頭寫著“紀念上人”,一種不期然而至的情緒迅速淹沒了我,恍如在他“圓寂”的現場一樣,我所能做的唯有任令淚水沿腮下滑。此時一種巨大的失落感那種再也不能見到他的真身的感覺充滿了我整個身心。即使這已是七年前的事了,可我好像也在追思大會上和現場的人一起默默流著哀悼的淚水。

在讀到師父安慰我們,希望我們在他離去以後不要難過的遺言時,我感到一種莫大的損失,我們損失了一位大悲心菩薩。在他有生之年,以他單薄的身驅,來啟發並度脫許許多多的眾生。縱使我們讀了再多闡揚慈悲的經典,若是沒有親身的體會,則慈悲於我們是很難具體真實化的。雖然我也讀過他的許多書,也想把從他那兒學來的悲憫投向眾生,可是,在我們這個娑婆世界,往往還真不是一件容易的事。所以在聽到他叮嚀我們他離開以後我們不要悲傷的話語,只會讓我更加地難過。畢竟,我們還是凡夫,情緒不能沒有個出口。我哭了又哭,傷心得像死了父親(我在三歲父親就故去)。在我心裡,師父就好像我長大後未及見到的父親。所幸,他已經把佛陀教導我們的也教給我了,透過他的功德,我一直在尋找一條最終能帶領我「解脫生死」的真正道路,使我能在自覺的同時,也能覺他度眾生。這便是我目前一個小小的願心。

所以,師父啊,若是我可以用現在這種方式跟您說話的話,那麼,對著您的照片,雙手合十、身口意清淨、閉上兩眼、一心摯誠的我,最想對您說的就是一聲「謝謝」,謝謝您把您的智慧與慈悲都借給我了。對於一位偉大的上師,我會永遠地尊敬與感恩。至於我,一名卑微的在家凡夫,則在等待適當的時機皈依三寶。

南無阿彌陀佛!


In my room, a photograph of the Elder Venerable Master Hua hangs on the wall, right in front of my study table.

Each day, he smiles at me with his great compassion, and when I look up into his kind eyes and gentle expression, a sense of peace warms my heart. He seems to be saying his favorite verse to me “Everything is okay.”

I have been reading his commentaries of Buddhist Sutras for the past one year, and held a high esteem and deep respect for this great man, who, single-handedly, was able to propagate the proper Dharma from the East to the West. How profound are his merits and virtues, without which, the Sacred Land of the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas (CTTB) would never have been founded. With his power of compassion, millions of living beings, especially those in the lower realms of existence, can be crossed over by him, and his many good disciples and followers, after him.

I developed an interest in Buddhism in 1995 when I was deeply in trouble and running around to temples in search of help to overcome my problems. Subsequently, I begin to understand that God, or rather, the Buddhanature is not somewhere outside, but rather, inherent within each and every one of us, regardless of color, race or religion. It has always been, and will ever be, but due to the many offenses we have created over so many lives, past and present, our own Clear Mirror Wisdom becomes obliterated by the dust of afflictions.

As an English educated person, it will take me a long time to understand the Chinese Sutra texts. So in January last year, when my sister chanced to come across a copy of Master Hua’s “An Introduction to Buddhism” at a vegetarian stall in a market place, I was very excited. What stood out to me in this small but important booklet are these words of his: “It is important to find the right teacher.” Something struck a cord in me, and immediately, I knew, I would have to find him.

It is true that it is not easy to find Buddhist Sutras in English and although I have read some others, the interpretation by the Buddhist Text Translation Society – U.S.A. (BTTS) is clear and precise, literally word for word. I then decided to make a trip to Buddhist Books Distribution Centre (BBDC-Singapore). The experience I had when I first visited the library section was a feeling that at last, I have found a treasure chest. Displayed neatly on the shelves are the Dharma treasures. But, what a disappointment when I learnt that this great man is no longer with us in this world. Yet, I also know, I have finally found the correct path that will lead me back home.

Over the next few months, I joined in the BBDC activities whenever I could find time. There are many good wise advisors, who taught me some of the “Shoulds and Shouldn’ts” that we have to observe while in a Way-place or attending a recitation session, and so forth. There are many Upasakas and Upasikas to whom I am grateful.

I began to have an inner urge to help with the library system and cataloging. One day, I envisioned this message: “It is important to propagate, not just Dharma, but the Proper Dharma.” My sister and I volunteered our services in the library project, in the hope to perfect what was already a hard task undertaken by the very few pioneers in BBDC, who did their best in the initial set up of the library system three years ago in 1999. We just pray that in lending our expertise in this area, we too, can help to expand the teachings of the Master Hua, to as many people as possible. Then we would have done the Master a service to fulfill his vow to cross over living beings, as we thank him for having crossed us over first.

Along the way, I read more and more of the English Sutras and obtain an even greater understanding of the profundity of what the Lord Shakyamuni Buddha taught us. Alternating among Sutra reading, listening to tapes on Dharma talks and learning the mantras, I also delve into past issues of Vajra Bodhi Sea (VBS). It was here that I seem to have forged a bond with this Great Master. Through reading articles on the Dharma news and happenings at CTTB and other Way-places that the Master had set up, I sometimes felt like he was talking directly to me. I remember the first time I came across his poem “Monk in the Grave,” tears welled up in my eyes and suddenly I felt a lump in my throat. Thinking perhaps it was the meaningful and touching words that made me cry, I brushed my tears away.

As I went through month after month of the VBS journals, I seemed to be re-living the events that happened at CTTB, as if I were present in some of the events, witnessing all that was happening. In deep contemplation, it was as if the Master were in front of me too, speaking his Dharma lectures…and sometimes, I had this feeling that I had actually been his disciple in my past or last lifetimes, so, very naturally, I called him “Shr Fu Shang Ren” (Venerable Master) in my heart, despite the fact that I never had the chance to meet him in person in this present life.

As CTTB grows, I seem to grow with its happenings, and it is as if Shr Fu has been giving me Dharma lectures over these years. Then suddenly, when I reach the issues of 1995, I have a sinking feeling in my heart, for I know I will read the events of his demise. The connection is deep, and there seems to be a dreadful feeling, yet, I never expected the outpouring of emotion which swept over me on December 21, 2002 (Amitabha Buddha’s birthday), just as I turned to the page that showed a full-page photo “In Memory of the Master.” Tears just kept flowing down my face. It was as if I was also present during his “Entrance into Stillness.” At that moment, a huge sense of loss filled my whole being, a sense that we can no longer see him in the physical body. Even though this event happened seven years ago, it was as if I too had been present at the Memorial Ceremony, mourning and shedding silent tears together with the many followers present that day.

Reading his last words to us, comforting us and telling us not to be sad when he leaves, I felt an even greater loss…the loss of a Bodhisattva’s great compassion. In his life time, he was able to manifest and cross over so many living beings. Even though we read about compassion in the Sutras, somehow, it only seems real when we come face to face with a true experience, and even though I read his books, and try to adopt a truly compassionate attitude towards all living beings, sometimes it is not easy in this world. Hence, to hear him reminding us not to be sad after he leaves, made me feel even sadder. After all, we are still human beings, still with outflows. I cried and cried, as if grieving for the demise of my own father, whom I lost when I was only three years old. In my heart, Shr Fu is like the father I never saw. Yet, he taught me what the Buddha taught, and through his merit and virtue, I have managed to find the proper path that will ultimately lead me to end birth and death and attain enlightenment so that in time, I too, will also be able to enlighten others and help to cross them over. This is my first small vow now.

So, to Shr Fu, if I may address you in this way now. Shr Fu, looking at your photo with my palms together, my body, mouth and mind purified, with eyes closed, and with a sincere heart, I wish to say “Thank You” to you for lending me your wisdom and compassion. Ever in respect and gratitude to a Great Master, I remain, a very humble layperson, waiting for the right opportunity to take refuge in the Triple Jewel.

Namo Amitabha Buddha!

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