Tonight I will share some of my thoughts on the period from the time I first left the home-life up to my full ordination.

In 1989 I visited Ling-yin Monastery in Hangzhou City. In the front of the Monastery was a small hill with a cave at the top. The cave contained a stone slab that our tour guide said was called Lord Ji's bed. Since the slab was very close to the ceiling, there was only enough space for me to lie down when I climbed up to it. At that point the tour guide said to me, "You know we have a saying that whoever lies on the slab will eventually become a monk." I thought that since I was not a Buddhist, what did it matter that the saying predicted that I would become a monk?

A year later, in 1990, I started reading the Dharma Flouer Sutra and came in contact with the Venerable Master's Dharma. After I finished reading this Sutra, a thought arose in my mind. I made a resolve that ten years later I would come to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas to leave the home life. At that time I was worried that although the City could hold a lot of people, there might not be any space left if I came too late.

In 1992, I took refuge in Taiwan. Three months later, a friend and I visited Thailand. Every day we visited many temples all over Thailand. I felt a very close kinship with the country, everything was very familiar and I had a very good impression of all the temples there. Seeing the left-home people made me very happy, so I began to think that I had a good affinity with Buddhism after all.

After spending one year at Dharma Realm Monastery in Liu-Gui in Gao-Hsiong County of Taiwan, I came to CTTB. I originally came here intending to return after a short stay, but instead I left the home life in 1999. In retrospect, I see that leaving home to cultivate is the one thing I have done right in my life.

After leaving the home life, at first I had a little difficulty adjusting to the life of a novice monk because the training and discipline somewhat resembled that of the military. I was also a little bit disappointed because I had thought that the life of a monk should be very leisurely instead of being so hectic. I remembered the poem "Praising the Monastic Life" written by Emperor Shun-zhi of the late Qing Dynasty. One line says, "Three hundred and sixty- five days [of worldly life] is not worth even half a day of monastic life." The people living at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas are even busier than people living outside. Being so busy and working so hard did not pose a problem; it was the tight schedule that I found hard to withstand at times. So during my training period as a novice, there were moments when I felt adrift and depressed, and I had difficulty bringing forth the Bodhi Mind.

Then I started thinking, "Who has given me the greatest inspiration in my life?" The answer of course was the Venerable Master. The Venerable Master had turned my life around and led me to walk on a bright and proper path. Therefore, I should repay his kindness. With this thought, I felt a very strong force supporting me and helping me to gradually turn my mind around. After that, I was able to finish the training period of a novice monk very smoothly.  

In retrospect, I feel that my three years as a novice monk were really worthwhile. The strict training from the Dharma Masters helped us get rid of our many attachments and let go of our ego-based habits and arrogance. I also discovered that my Dharma brothers have changed a great deal. This was a result of the period of extensive training and cultivation.

I feel that I have gained two great benefits from the training period. The first is learning and memorizing the precepts. When I first started memorizing the Brahma Net Sutra, I discovered, "Ah, what a sublime Dharma!" The more I memorized, the happier I became. Prior to this, I did not understand the precepts very well and felt that they were like laws that bind people and make them feel uncomfortable. Gradually, however, I came to understand that the precepts are not this way at all; in fact, their purpose is to help us gain true liberation.

The precepts repeatedly mention filiality, compassion, and respect; so from the Bodhisattva Precepts, I learned these three wonderful points. One day, I told a fellow cultivator, "The Brahms Net Sutra is the second Sutra that has had the most profound influence on me." (The first was the Dharma Flower Sutra.)  

Another point is that all five of the male preceptees were very satisfied with the Dharma names they received from Dharma Masters. But to be frank, when I first saw my Dharma name, I was not very satisfied at all. The first thought that came to mind when I saw my narne, "Jin Fan" (Fan means "Brahma"), was the Brahma Heavens. I thought, "The goal of cultivation is to become a Buddha, but the Great Brahma Heaven is still in the Form Realm; this aim is not lofty at all!"

The series "Lectures on the Lay Bodhisattva Precepts" was temporarily discontinued for this issue due to lack of space.   I started to ponder the meaning of the word "Brahma." I thought of the "Brahma Conduct Chapter" in the Avatamsaka Sutra and went to look up the Venerable Master's commentary on it. He explained it very well, "Brahma is just purity." He also said, "Brahma is also Nirvana. Brahma conduct is pure conduct, which is true purity." The Venerable Master also said, "Brahma takes the precepts and also the Four Vast Mental Qualities of kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity along with wisdom as its substance." Therefore with the Dharma name of Jin Brahma, I should try my best to fulfill its meaning. I remember when Bhikshu Heng Tso and a boy student Lau Qin Zhi learned of my name, they said, "Oh, it's eating rice!" [Note: In Chinese, the word "Brahma" sounds the same as the word for "rice" or "food".] So it is. Before we studied Buddhism, we ate every day but did not know the reason why. Having left the home life, we know the reason why, but we still don't know how to do it well. We take our daily meal and practice the Three Recollections and the Five Contemplations every day, two of which are "to keep our bodies from wasting away' and "to accomplish the Way." Now I know that we not only have to eat, but we also have to uphold Brahma [conduct], that is to uphold the pure precepts. [Note: "taking a meal" and "upholding Brahma" are close homonyms in Mandarin Chinese.] Therefore, the most important aspect of receiving the precepts is to actually uphold the precepts. In walking, standing, sitting, and lying down, we have to embody the spirit of the precepts in our daily activities. Then we can say that we have truly understood the precepts and fulfilled the purpose of receiving them. Those are the thoughts I wanted to share with all of you.    

*[Editor's Note: Bhikshu Jin Fan was the leader of the group of novice monks who were ordained this year. He was previously introduced in Issue No. 383, April 2002.]