有些人並非惡人，但卻招人厭惡；有些人並非故意，卻總做出損人不利己的事。原因無他，就是不懂得在何時、何地，可否對何人說何話罷了！前面說：「凡是人，皆須愛」，但「愛」必須以「義」為依歸，才不會變成亂愛；所謂「義者，宜也」，也就是說，言行要適宜；言行若適宜，人際關係就圓融無礙了。要人際關係圓融無礙，這可真是一門沒有固定課本、也沒有固定教師，活到老、學到老的終生課程。

若談話的時機不適當，就算對適當的人說適當的話，好也變成不好；更罔論是談不適當的話，或是無聊瑣屑的事了。要是談話的對象不適當，就算講的內容適當，也只是「對牛彈琴」；若談話的內容不但不適當，還是與他人聲名休戚相關的，那可是「禍從口出」，後患無窮！所以本章所談的，是基本言談守則，不可掉以輕心的。

總之人不得閒時，再拿別的事來找他，無異是槓上加擔，這會「失人」；別人不安寧時，再拿別的話來煩他，不啻雪上加霜，這是「失言」。至於談話的內容，總以「長話短說、閒話少說」而為旨歸，務必隱惡揚善；否則會傷害他人，既失言又失人，甚至惹禍上身，更禍延家國。仁者宅心仁厚，不忍傷人、煩人，所以通常寡言；智者觀察入微，不會失人、失言，所以通常慎言。寡言不會招來是非，慎言不會招來仇怨；能這樣注意自己的口舌，言語方面可能招來的過失和禍患，也就微乎其微了！

孔子說：「言寡尤，行寡悔，雖蠻貊之邦行矣！」這就是說：能言語忠信，行事篤敬，就可以暢行天下而無阻了！人生在世有什麼比這更自由，更自在的呢？一般人錯解自由，以為想說什麼就說什麼，愛做什麼就做什麼，這就是自由；不知這種胡言亂語、橫行無忌的假自由，會破壞多少人的自由，也會令自己在禍患後，永遠失去自由。

前面幾章說過：「話說多，不如少；惟其是，勿佞巧。」〈朱子治家格言〉裏也告誡我們：「人有喜慶，不可生妒忌心；人有禍患，不可生喜幸心。」事不關己，固然沒必要嚼舌；人縱有過惡，還是多多包涵為妙。

周武王滅殷之後，便謙虛恭敬地去拜訪殷的遺老，請教他們，殷所以滅亡的原因；長者就約他，次日某時某地見面再相告。第二天，周武王偕了周公一同去，過時好久了，長者仍未出現。周公明白了，就對武王讚歎說：「這位長老真是個賢者啊！他過去的國君雖惡，還不忍心說他的惡；就只用自己約而失信的行動，來暗示我們：殷所以滅亡，就因為失信。」

蘇格拉底是古希臘的一位大哲學家，因為他的意見跟當時的人很不相同，所以有很多人不喜歡他。有一天，他正和一位老朋友在雅典城裏散步，忽然有個陌生的年輕人自背後偷襲他，打了他一棍就跑。他的朋友看他受傷不太重，立刻要去追那個年輕人，找他算賬；但是蘇格拉底卻一把拉住他的朋友，像沒發生什麼事似地繼續散步。老朋友奇怪地問：「難道你怕事嗎？」蘇格拉底說：「不！一點也不！」老朋友又問：「那為什麼人家打你，你也不還手呢？」蘇格拉底笑了笑說：「老朋友！你也糊塗了！難道說一隻驢子踢了你一腳，你也一定還牠一腳嗎？」

由這上面兩個故事看來，殷朝的遺老不願說故主的過惡，是仁；蘇格拉底不願和惡人計較，是智。我們縱使不是自然而行之的仁者；能不學做個利仁勉行的智者嗎？

Some people are not evil, yet they are loathed by others. Some people do not have bad intentions, yet they always do things that hurt others without benefiting themselves. There is no other reason for this, except that such people do not understand the art of saying the right things to the right people at the right time and the right place. A previous line in the text said, "For everyone throughout the world, cherish a fond regard." However, such fond regard should be based upon what is right, or else it becomes indiscriminate love.What is right means what is appropriate. In other words, we should speak and act appropriately. When our words and actions are appropriate, our relationships with others will be smooth and unobstructed. Learning to maintain harmonious relationships with people is a lesson that we continue to study into our old age and for which there is no fixed textbook or teacher.

If we speak at the wrong time, then even if we are talking to the right person and saying the right things, what was originally good be­comes bad. How much worse it would be if we are saying inappropri­ate things or engaging in idle chatter. If we are not speaking to the right person, then even if what we are saying is appropriate, it is like "strumming the lute to a cow." If the topic of conversation is improper and affects someone else's reputation, then it is a case of "bringing on disasters with the mouth"—the consequences will be endless. This section discusses the basic guidelines of conversation, which should not be taken lightly.

In general, to approach a person who is busy with other matters is like adding more weight to the load on his shoulders; that would be a poor way of dealing with people. To disturb someone who is dis­tressed with unnecessary chatter is like "adding frost to snow"—that would be making a mistake in speech. As to the content of what is said, we should make a point of being concise and to the point and of avoiding unnecessary idle talk. We should definitely expose others' good points and not talk about their shortcomings; otherwise, we will certainly hurt others, which would be a double mistake in speech and human relations. We would then be in trouble ourselves, and also cause trouble for our family and our country.

Humane people are always kind and magnanimous; they cannot bear to hurt or annoy others. Therefore, they usually speak very little. Wise people have a penetrating understanding of things and do not make poor judgments in dealing with people or talking to them; they are always careful in their speech. By speaking little, one avoids gossip. By speaking with caution, one avoids causing resentment. If one is able to watch one's words in this way, one will hardly make any mistakes or suffer any calamities on account of one's speech.

Confucius said, "When there is little to blame in one's words and little to regret in one's actions, one will travel at ease even in barbaric lands!" In other words, if one's speech is trustworthy and one's ac­tions are sincere, one will be able to travel freely throughout the world! In this world, what greater freedom is there? Most people have a mistaken idea that freedom means being able to say and do whatever they feel like. By indulging in the false freedom of speaking and acting recklessly, they intrude upon the freedom of countless others and permanently lose their own freedom when the calamitous consequences of their careless behavior befall upon them. Some lines in a preceding passage of text said:

To talk just a little is better than to chatter non-stop all day long.
Talk only about what you're sure of; don't use cunning or flowery words.

Mr. Chu's Rules for Managing the Household warns us: "When others have cause to rejoice, we must not be jealous. When others suffer disasters, we must not feel glad." If a matter does not concern us, there is no need to comment on it.Even if people have their bad sides, we should try to be tolerant.

After King Wu of the state of Zhou defeated the tyrant-emperor Yin, he humbly went to pay his respects to the emperor's parents and in­quired as to the reason for the emperor's demise. The elder told him to come back the following day to meet him at a certain time and place. The next day, King Wu and the Duke of Zhou went together. The appointed time passed and they kept waiting for a long time, but the elder did not show up. The Duke of Zhou understood and said to King Wu in praise, "This elder is truly worthy! Although his former ruler was evil,he could not bear to speak about his faults. He could only hint to us, through breaking his own promise, that it was Yin's untrustworthiness that brought his demise."

Socrates was a great philosopher in ancient Greece. His views differed widely from those of the populace, and for that reason many people disliked him. One day, as he was strolling through Athens with a friend, a young man whom he did not know suddenly picked his pockets, hit him with a stick, and then fled. His friend,seeing that Socrates was not too badly hurt, was about to chase after the young man to even the score. However, Socrates grabbed his friend and continued walking as if nothing had happened. His friend asked him in surprise, "Don't tell me you're afraid of trouble!"

"No, not at all," said Socrates.
"Then why didn't you want to get back at the man who hit you?"

Socrates smiled and said, "My old friend! Your brain has become ad­dled! If a donkey kicked you, would you kick it back?"

In these two anecdotes, the refusal of the parents of the emperor of Yin to speak of the former emperor's faults showed their humaneness; Socrates' refusal to quarrel with a bad person showed his wisdom. Although we may not be humane by nature,how can we not be wise ones who strive to be humane?