有一對聯語說得好:
「天下無不是的父母,無父母時方知;世間最難得者弟兄,有弟兄時不覺。」人倫肇始於父母,其次乃有兄弟師長,所以「孝悌」二者,斯為倫理教育的基礎。所謂基,是造屋的地基。要先奠定地基,房子才能夠搭蓋起來;礎,是屋柱的磐石,若不立穩磐石,房子就容易傾斜崩壞。但孝悌二者,卻又不是那麼狹義,只顧自己的父母兄弟而已。我們還要把「孝」擴充到伯叔諸舅,甚至一切長輩上;把「悌」也擴充到堂表兄弟姐妹,甚至一切同輩、晚輩上。換句話說,也就是擴充到一切人
、一切有情生物上;這就是佛家「無緣大慈,同體大悲」精神的極至。以下我們會陸續講到如何講信修睦、待人接物;現在我們再回頭來談基本性的「孝悌」,做個結束。
人倫關係如蜘蛛織網,由內而外,循序漸進,而層次分明。居中織網的蜘蛛是「仁」,其放射網所及之處都是「義」,所經之徑就是「禮」。因此伯叔諸舅和堂表兄弟姐妹,就是在孝悌自己父母兄弟姐妹後,須要孝悌的對象;這是仁愛的第二層發揮,也是合理合宜的。我們敬愛父母兄弟姐妹,父母也敬愛他們的兄弟姐妹;父母慈愛我們,伯叔諸舅當然也慈愛他們的子女。因此敬愛堂表兄弟姐妹,也就是善體伯叔諸舅之心,也就是孝順伯叔諸舅;而孝順伯叔諸舅,就是善體親心,更是孝順父母了。古人說「伯叔如親父」、「見舅如見娘」,都是這個意思。
秦穆公和晉文公是中國春秋五霸中的兩位霸主,秦穆公的夫人還是晉文公的長姐。晉文公早年為逃避繼母驪姬的迫害,流亡各國;到秦國時,秦穆夫人已經去世,秦穆公的世子真有「見舅如見娘」之感。晉文公臨別時,秦穆公世子依依難捨,充分流露著孺慕之情。詩經裏那首「渭陽」,就是秦康公在即位後,思念舅舅晉文公的作品。可見古人的性情,確是比較淳厚,我們怎能不快快恢復固有道德呢?
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There is a couplet that says:
There is nothing in the world that
does not come from parents;
We realize this only when we are without parents.
Brothers are the hardest to come by in the world,
But we don't realize it when our brothers are around.
Our closest human relationships are with
our parents, and secondly with our brothers, teachers, and
elders. Therefore, filiality and fraternal respect are the
foundation for education in human ethics. When one builds a
house, one must first lay a solid foundation. The foundation
stones of the pillars of the house have to be set securely,
or else the house may topple. Filiality and fraternal
respect are not be taken in the narrow sense of referring
only to one's own parents and brothers. Filiality should be
extended to our uncles and all our elders. Fraternal respect
should expand to include our cousins and all others who are
of the same generation or of later generations. In other
words, these virtues should encompass all people and all
sentient beings. This is the ultimate significance of the
Buddhist spirit of "great kindness for those with whom we
have no affinities, and the great compassion of being one
with all." The later verses discuss the cultivation of
trustworthiness and harmony in one's social interactions and
handling of affairs. For now we will return to and conclude
the discussion of the basic virtues of filiality and
fraternal respect.
Human relationships are like spiderwebs,
spun from the inside out, proceeding in orderly succession
with clearly defined levels. The spider at the center of the
web is "humaneness," the places its web reaches are
"righteousness," and the paths it takes are "propriety."
After one has practiced filiality and fraternal respect
toward one's own parents and siblings, one should focus on
one's uncles and cousins. That is the second level of
humaneness, and is in accord with principle. We love and
respect our parents and siblings, and our parents love and
respect their siblings; our parents love us, and our uncles
of course love their own children. Therefore, when we love
and respect our cousins, we are empathizing with our uncles,
which is to be filial to them. Being filial to our uncles is
in turn empathizing with our parents, which is to be filial
to our parents. The ancient sayings, "Our paternal uncles
are like our own father," and "When we see our maternal
uncles, it's like seeing our own mother," express this
principle.
Lord Mu of the state of Qin and Lord Wen
of Jin were two feudal lords during the Spring and Autumn
Period of Chinese history. Lord Mu's wife was the elder
sister of Lord Wen. In his youth, Lord Wen fled from his
oppressive stepmother Liji and wandered through various
states. When he arrived in the state of Qin, Lord Mu's wife
had already passed away, and Lord Mu's son, the crown
prince, really felt that he was seeing his own mother when
he saw Lord Wen, his uncle. When Lord Wen was about to
leave, the crown prince could hardly bear to let him go; he
was filled with yearning. The poem "Wei Yang" in the Book of
Odes speaks of Lord Kang of the state of Qin, who was about
to assume the throne remembering his maternal uncle, Lord
Wen. From this one can see ho much more virtuous and filial
the ancients were. We should quickly return to the virtuous
ways of old. |