In ancient times, people considered proper manners in speaking and interacting with others an important part of a child's education. In addition to being respectful, we should speak with others in a forthright manner. We should use a moderate tone of voice, and avoid speaking in a sharp, high-pitched voice, which gives people the feeling that we are showing off or arguing. If we keep talking and laughing and making a lot of noise, people will feel we are hyperactive. On the other hand, if we always mumble and whisper, others will feel contempt and impatience. We should not be looking here and there as we speak, because that gives the impression of being frivolous and scatter-brained. How much the less should we do these things in the presence of our elders I If our elders are hard of hearing, we should speak loudly, but not sharply. In addition to modulating the tone of voice, we ought to show the proper courtesy. If we remain seated when our elders ask us a question, they will be forced to bend down to speak to us. Not only is that a poor posture for speaking, but it will tire them out; that shows a lack of respect and understanding on our part.

When we are going to meet our elder, we should approach quickly with small steps. It might seem affected, but actually it's a way of showing our earnest reverence. In ancient China, when the moral culture was well-developed, most people would regard their teachers and elders as fondly as they would their own parents. Not only were they eager to serve them, but they were delighted to see them. When they had an appointment with an elder, they didn't want to keep their elder waiting, so they would go quickly. Yet they feared that if they took large strides or ran up to their elder, they would startle him, so they approached with quick, light steps. When it was time to leave, they could hardly bear to go, but they didn't want to bother their elder too long, so they departed with reluctant steps. They were that cautious in every move they made, always observing courtesy and reason. They acted from their hearts, but restrained themselves with propriety. How could those who are shallow and rash understand this? How could those who are phony or rigid learn this?

Our every gesture and move is a response to and an expression of our inner feelings. If those responses and expressions are excessive or deficient, they must be restrained or corrected by the rules of propriety. Then our actions will accord with courtesy as well as with reason. Propriety is itself defined as reason. However, if we adhere too rigidly to the rules of propriety and get caught up in the external form, while lacking true feeling, we are even worse than the person who has true feeling but isn't familiar with the rules of propriety. There are many strict households and schools where parents and teachers expect children to behave like well-brought-up "gentlemen and ladies." But if you observe these children closely, you might find that many of them are not only phony, but selfish and self-centered. To teach children to accord with courtesy as well as reason, we must start by educating them in ethics. The earlier ethical education begins, the better; what is more, parents and teachers have to be good role models.

I remember an English film in which the setting was a private boarding school. The protagonist was a righteous student who was going to be expelled, because he had led a protest against the principal for his harsh treatment of his roommate. The principal was a morally upright gentleman who was known for strictness. He was held in awe and respect by students and teachers alike. In the end, it turns out that the roommate had been threatened by the principal after he accidentally found out that the principal was having an affair. In order to cover up his first mistake, the principal made one mistake after another, leading to many tragedies. First the weak-willed roommate broke down under the pressure and committed suicide.

Then one of the teachers resigned, because he refused to bear false witness against that student, the way the other teachers and students had done. Then the leaderless students started fighting among themselves, until the school finally had to be blockaded. When the student read the letter written by his dead roommate, all the students cried. One of the lines in the letter said, "Being a weak person, I had continued living only because I wished to protect the person I respected the most. Today I have bravely chosen to die in this way, because my shattered idol is no longer worth protecting."

Fellow parents and teachers! If we wish to teach our children and students to be earnest and proper in their interactions with others, let us be good models for them. Let us first learn to follow the "Rules for Being a Student" ourselves.