有一間百貨公司登報要雇辦事員;三 天裏,來了八十多個人,幾乎每個人都拿著一封介紹信。經理跟
每個人都談了一次話。最後,他錄用了一個沒帶介紹信的青年人。別人都很奇怪,經理就解釋說:
「旁人的介紹信只有一封,這青年人卻帶了三封。當他走進了我的辦公室,就輕輕把門關上;這是第一封介紹他謹慎的信。他跟我說話時,音調又清晰,對答得又有條理這是一封介紹他聰明的信。當一位老人走進了我的辦公室,
他就趕快站起來;這是一封介紹他禮貌的信。他有三封介紹信,都表現在行動上;別人的介紹信,不過表現在紙上罷了!」
從這故事看來,平常就養成恭敬長者的習慣
,鍛鍊出不卑不亢的應對的談吐,是做人做事成功的基礎。人是社會的動物,不能離群而索居。如何與人和睦相處,並獲得發展自我潛能的機會,以服務人群,這是一生都要努力的課程;這個課程,開始得愈早、愈徹底,將來的際遇也會愈順利。因此,兒童的啟蒙教育,應以孝悌為先,培養他們對父母師長的恭敬心;孩子長大跨入社會,自然就會是個有禮貌的人
,這是成功地展開人際關係的第一步。
雖然也有人說「大行不顧細節」,何必這麼拘謹呢?但這只是說,小禮儀有時可以不必那麼執著,不表示我們的內心可以不恭敬師長。恭敬應該發自內心,但是每個人內心的看法不同,標準也有異,有時就會遇到難題。時下的孩子,思想大都很活潑,也都很能言善辯;你若教他恭敬師長,他很可能反過來告訴你,這位老師或長輩言行如何又如何,言下之意是,他們覺得這位師長不值得尊敬。他們往往反問你:
「你教我表現的恭敬,豈不是教我作假、裝兩面人嗎?這是不誠實的。」不少家長啞口無言,不知怎麼回答好?所以我們為人父母師長的,除了要時常躬自反省,改進自身的品行外,還得灌輸孩子們正確的概念。什麼呢?
我們發自內心來尊敬三種人:第一是品德比自己好的人。第二是年紀比自己大的人。第三是職位比自己高的人。第一種人,相信誰都會認為
值得尊敬;第二、第三種人,不管他的品行如何,還是應該尊敬。為什麼?俗語說:
「人生不如意,十常八九。」可謂苦多於樂,災患多於平安;想想看,這位長輩,要奮鬥到現在,才能夠活著成為比我們年長的人,難道不值得尊重?這位老師或長宮,要努力到
現在,才有今天的身份和職位,難道不值得尊重?何況每個人都有機會輪到做尊長的時候,
「要怎麼收穫,先怎麼栽」。這麼開解給孩子聽,而能發自內心去敬老尊賢了。千萬不要以權威去強迫孩子虛應事故,讓他戴個禮貌的假面具,而成為偽君子;也不要縱容孩子,讓他長成一個不知天高地厚的狂妄
小子。
敬老尊賢一直是中國的優良傳統;周禮 所制定的「鄉飲酒」 就是藉著鄉人一起宴飲的場合,一來敦親 睦鄰,二來讓年輕人
實習敬老尊賢。此外 ,古中國人尊重老師有如貴賓,坐時主人 居東,請老師西向對坐,所以就尊稱老師為
「西席」或「西賓」。這種尊師之禮,就是在豪門貴族也不例外;甚至有很多皇帝、皇子在平居時對老師都恭敬執持弟子之禮,不敢讓老師向自己跪拜。「程門立雪」,更是尊師之千古美談。
故事是這樣的:程頤、程灝兩兄弟都是宋朝有名的大儒,門下弟子都很多。哥哥程灝為人灑脫風趣,時人稱譽他:聽其一席話,
「如坐春風三月」;弟弟程頤則嚴謹自持,弟子對他敬畏有加。有一天,兩位弟子陪侍著程頤,程頤忽然睡著,弟子沒得到吩咐,不敢退下,乃恭敬地侍立兩側;等到程頤醒來,弟子才告退,一看,門外的積雪都快及膝了。所以「程門立雪」就成了後世禮敬嚴師的典故。現代的社會裡,我們雖然不必拘泥這些舊禮,但恭敬的誠心,應該是古今不渝的。 |
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Once when a department store put a want ad in the newspapers
for an administrator, within three days eighty-some people
showed up, virtually all of them bringing a letter of
recommendation with them. After interviewing all of them,
the manager finally hired a young man who had not brought a
letter. When others expressed their surprise, the manager
explained, "Everyone else brought only one letter of
recommendation, but this young man brought three letters.
When he walked into my office, he gently shut the door
behind him; this was a letter describing his cautiousness.
During his conversation with me, his voice was clear and his
responses were logical; that was a letter telling me about
his intelligence. When an older person came into my office,
he quickly stood up; that was a letter telling me about his
courteousness. His three letters of recommendation revealed
themselves in his behavior; everyone else's letters were
merely written on paper."
From this story, we can see that
developing the habit of respecting our elders and speaking
in a way that is neither lowly nor overbearing will ensure
our success in dealing with people and matters. People are
social creatures who cannot live in total isolation. We must
seriously learn how to dwell in harmony with people in order
to develop our own potentials so we can help the common
good. This is the lesson of a lifetime, and the sooner and
the more thoroughly we learn it, the smoother our life will
be. Hence, early childhood education should stress filiality
and brotherhood first, teaching children to respect their
parents. When they grow up and go out into the society, they
will naturally be courteous and well-mannered; that is the
first step in relating successfully to other people.
Some people may say, "In doing great
deeds, one should not be hampered by fine details, why
should we be so rigid?" This is only saying that we don't
always have to be too attached to minor points of etiquette;
it doesn't mean we can be disrespectful to our teachers and
elders in our minds. Respect should come from the heart.
However, everyone's outlook and standard is different, so
sometimes we run into problems. Children of today are very
liberal in their outlook and very good at arguing their own
views. If you tell them to respect their teachers and
elders, they might respond by telling you certain things
about their teacher or elder, implying that the person is
not worth respecting. They often ask you, "If you ask me to
show respect, aren't you just asking me to put on a false
front? It's not for real." Many parents are left speechless;
they don't know how to reply. As parents, teachers, and
elders, not only should we always reflect upon ourselves and
improve our own character and conduct, we should try to
teach children the correct way of thinking, which is that we
should bring forth heartfelt respect for three kinds of
people: (1) those who are more virtuous than we are, (2)
those who are older than we are, and (3) those who have
higher position than we do.
I think probably everyone will agree that
the first kind of person deserves respect. But we should
also respect the latter two kinds of people regardless of
their character. Why? There's a proverb, "The trials and
tribulations take up 80 or 90 percent of our life." You
could say there's more suffering than joy, more disasters
than peace. If you think about how long our elders have
struggled to be able to survive and be elders, wouldn't you
say they are worthy of respect? Think about how much hard
work teachers and high officials have put in to get where
they are now. Don't they deserve our respect? What's more,
everyone will get a turn to be honored as an elder.
Therefore, whatever you want to harvest, you first have to
plant. If you explain it to your children like this, they
will gradually understand and start to respect elders and
worthy ones from their heart. You should never force
children into putting on a false show of courtesy and
turning into hypocrites. On the other hand, don't be so
lenient with them that they turn into wild kids with no
sense of appreciation for all they have received. Reverence
for elders and veneration for virtuous ones has always
been a wholesome tradition in China. The Zhou Dynasty rite
of "toasting," taken from the custom of the rural villagers,
served to strengthen family bonds and neighborly harmony,
and to allow young people to practice respecting their
elders. Furthermore, in ancient times the Chinese people
treated their teachers like honored guests. When sitting,
the host would sit on the east side and invite the teacher
to sit on the west side facing him. Thus the teacher came to
have the honorific title "West-Seated One" or "Western
Guest." Even the nobility followed these rules of etiquette
for respecting teachers. Many emperors and princes, when
they were living as civilians, would treat their teachers
with the respect of a disciple, and would not let the
teacher bow to them.
The story of how "Cheng's disciples stood
while it snowed" is a wonderful example of respect for one's
teacher. It goes like this Cheng Yi and Cheng Jing were two
brothers in the Song Dynasty who were both renowned
Confucian scholars with many disciples. The elder brother
Cheng Jing was jovial and quick-witted. People praised him
and said that listening to one of his lectures was like
"sitting in the spring breeze for three months." His younger
brother, Cheng Yi, was solemn and serious, and his disciples
held him in respect and awe. Once when two of his disciples
were attending upon him, Cheng Yi suddenly fell asleep.
Since he had not bidden them to leave, the two disciples
dared not do so, but respectfully continued to stand on
either side of their teacher. When he woke up, the disciples
took their leave and discovered that the snow outside the
door was already knee-deep. This story has been passed down
to later generations as an illustration of respect for a
stern teacher. Although we need not rigidly hold
to old-fashioned rules of etiquette in modem society, the
attitude of sincere respect is something that never changes
with time. |