萬佛城金剛菩提海 Vajra Bodhi Sea
萬佛城金剛菩提海 Vajra Bodhi Sea

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《菩提田》

 

BODHI FIELD

常懷慚愧的
Always Harbor Shame and Remorse

洪子茵居士

— Upasika Hong Ziyin

生長於臺灣中部,由於婆婆病中信教的關係,往生後須由獨媳傳承,得以接觸自認是佛教的「日蓮教」。

以後兒子發生意外,徬徨求佛菩薩保佑時,由於好奇而觀望居家附近寺廟的上課情形。蒙一位法師引進,得知是一比丘在講解《大乘妙法蓮華經》,下課後,借了一本,回家對照後,才知道全部《妙法蓮華經》有二十八品,平常看的日蓮教出版之《法華經》,只是擷取部份,如以井觀天。

再次聽經中,得知上人德行,借看了《四十二章經淺釋》後,更渴求蒐集上人的法音,經一番艱辛管道,終於如願以償。

每回到萬佛城,從行屍走肉般,不知心猿的去向,到一、二天下來,已經能知道心到哪裡,做些什麼事,慢慢地回來了。雖然這顆心還碰碰跳跳,可是偶爾已能馴服。但一出萬佛城這訓練的場所,用盡各種法門,效果總是有限,沒幾天功夫又隨業逐流,心勞形困,心常念惡,口常言惡、言妄,身常行惡,已不見心猿蹤跡。

在世間,有如在生死業海浮沈不停,深信此生唯有入萬佛聖城這正法道場薰修,道業方能有所成就,羨慕已上路的四眾,惶恐自己業重。一次有機緣問上人:「修行這條路要如何走,才會較平坦?」上人說:「不要發脾氣。」至今五年,仍愧對善知識的教誨。

I was born and raised in central Taiwan. My mother-in-law embraced a religious faith during her illness, and after she died, her only daughter-in-law was expected to carry on. I thus became involved with the Japanese Lotus Sect, which calls itself Buddhism.

Later, my son had an accident, and while I was helplessly pleading for aid and protection from the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, I came upon a monastery near my house. Out of curiosity, I watched their class activities from outside. A Dharma master invited me in. I thus found out that it was a Bhikshu explaining the Great Vehicle Wonderful Dharma Lotus Flower Sutra. After class, I borrowed a copy of the Sutra and read it after I got home. Only then did I find out that there are twenty-eight chapters in this Sutra. The version of the Dharma Flower Sutra published by the Japanese Lotus Sect which I normally read was only part of the whole Sutra. It was like peeking at the sky from the bottom of a well.

During my second Sutra class, I learned about the virtuous conduct of the Venerable Master. After I borrowed and read the Sutra in Forty-two Sections with the Master’s explanation, I longed even more for the Master’s Dharma sound. After some difficulties, my wish finally came true.

Every time I come to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas, I feel like a walking corpse, not knowing the whereabouts of my monkey-like mind. Usually after a couple of days, my mind slowly comes back and I am able to know where it goes and what it does. Though it will still be very active, occasionally it will submit and listen to orders. However, once I leave the “training arena” of the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas, the results of my cultivation are limited regardless of the Dharma-doors I use. It does not take more than a few days before I am following the current of karma again: anxious at heart and weary in body, the mind constantly thinks of evil, the mouth constantly utters evil and false words, the body constantly practices bad deeds, and the monkey-like mind has run off without leaving a trace.

Living in the world is like bobbing up and down in the karmic sea of birth and death. I deeply believe that only by immersing oneself in a Way-place of the proper Dharma such as the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas can one successfully cultivate the Way. I admire the members of the fourfold assembly who are already walking on the path and fear that my karma is too heavy. I once had a chance to ask the Master, “How can I walk more smoothly upon the path of cultivation?” The Master replied, “Don’t lose your temper.” It’s been five years, and I still fall remorsefully short of the good knowing advisor’s teaching.

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