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《菩提鏡》

 

BODHI MIRROR

我的出家因緣
THE CAUSE AND CONDITIONS OF MY LEAVING THE HOME LIFE

【恒輔師】

Bhikshuni Heng Fu

  

我生長在臺灣中部一個純樸的鄉村,那裡有 一座聞名的古剎「毗盧禪寺」,小時候雖然對 佛教完全不了解,但每當過年我都會到此一遊 。長大後,服務於公家機關,當小職員的日子 過得相當快樂,直至考過升等考試,一切似乎 全變了,名利傾軋讓我傷透了心,此時正好參 加某寺的「法華法會」,第一次接觸真正的經 典。本來我只相信科學實證的東西,直到那時 ,誦到「十二因緣法」,方了解佛法之真妙處 ,正是在玄而不玄,非理而皆理,從此才真正 成為一個佛教徒,且每天誦《妙法蓮華經》。

有位同事在圖書館借了一本《妙法運華經淺 釋》給我,當我看到師父的講解時,不知為何 就想哭,解釋得這麼好,但不知師父人在那兒 ?只怪自己學佛太遲。直到一九八八年師父訪 臺時,皈依了師父。一九八九年,決定到萬佛 城修行,臨行前騎腳踏車摔了一跤,以為小傷 ,卻讓我不得不在臺動手術,整整一年半才復 原。一九九○年夏,準備到萬佛城讀法大,臨 走前一晚,母親突然中風,當時我真的是傻住 了,「如是因,如是果」,前世造的業障,不 怪自己怪何人?宣到年底母親逐漸好轉後,我 才到聖城。當時適逢彌陀誕,本欲圓頂,奈何 法師向我索取家長同意書,哥哥怕我無法適應 出家生活,堅持不同意,這個時候我灰心了, 從此不再談出家修行之事。

一九九一年觀世音菩薩成道日,我到臺北法 界佛教印經會參加法會,當時有一種回家的感 覺,所以決定到正法佛學院就讀。三個月後, 滿了圓頂的願。

觀世音菩薩一直眷顧著弟子,佛恩深重,若 不精進修行,如何對得起父母、三寶及師父上 人?

I grew up in a simple village in central Taiwan. There was a well-known ancient temple called Vairochana Chan Monastery. I did not understand much about Buddhism when I was little, however I would always visit this temple around the New Year. After I grew up, I worked in a government agency. Those days of being a junior staff member were pretty happy until I passed the promotion examination. Then everything seemed to change. The struggle for fame and benefit hurt me deeply. At that time, I happened to attend a session for reciting The Lotus Sutra held by a monastery. That was my first encounter with a real Sutra. Before that time, I had only believed in things which were based on scientific proof. When I recited to the part on the Twelve Causes and Conditions, I understood the real wonder of the Buddhadharma. It seems mysterious and yet is not mysterious; it seems unreasonable and yet none is not reasonable. From then on, I truly became a Buddhist, and recited The Lotus Sutra every day.

A colleague borrowed The Lotus Sutra with the Venerable Master's commentary from the library for me. When reading it, I felt like crying without knowing why. The explanation was so wonderful, yet I did not know where the Master was. I had only myself to blame for learning Buddhism so late. I took refuge with the Master when he came to Taiwan in 1988. In 1989, I decided to go to the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas to cultivate. Before my departure I fell from a bicycle. I thought it a small matter. However, I had remain in Taiwan for surgery. It took a whole year and a half to recuperate. In the summer of 1990, I made preparations to go study at Dharma Realm Buddhist University in the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas. The night before my departure, my mother suddenly got apoplexy. I was totally stupefied. "Such cause, such effect." For karmic obstacles created in past lives, there is no one but myself to blame. When my mother got a little better at the end of the year, I came to the City. I arrived during the celebration of Amitabha Buddha's birthday. I wanted to take that opportunity to shave my head. However, when the Dharma Master asked for a letter of agreement from my parents, I could not present it. My elder brother adamantly disagreed, fearing that I would not get used to monastic life. I was so frustrated that I stopped talking about leaving the home-life.

In 1991, on the day of Guan Yin Bodhisattva's enlightenment, I went to Dharma Realm Buddhist Books Distribution Association in Taipei to attend the celebration. Overcome by a feeling that I should be returning "home," I decided to study at the Proper Buddhist Academy. Three months later, my wish to shave my head came true.

Guanshiyin Bodhisattva has always taken good care of me. The Buddha's kindness is very deep. If I don't vigorously cultivate, how can I face my parents, the Triple Jewel, and the Venerable Master?

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