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During
the winter of 1967 Kuo Yu left Hawaii to visit relatives on the mainland
and settle down to what he felt would be serious studies—something new
to him since he had barely graduated from high school that spring.
Returning home via San Francisco, Kuo Yu and his friend Kuo-te Mechling
stayed with Kuo-te's brother, Kuo-li. Kuo-li took them to visit the
Venerable Master who then held informal lectures at the Buddhist Lecture
Hall located in a walk-up flat in Chinatown.
"When
I first met the Master, I was put off by his jovial manner. I thought this
enlightenment business was serious." But after talking with the
Master for only a short time, Kuo Yu was filled with a sense of happiness
and comfort in his presence. "I even asked him if I might become a
monk and study under his guidance," Kuo Yu remembers.
As
things turned out, he did not become a monk, but studied with the Master
just the same. He lived at the Buddhist Lecture Hall for a few years and
moved to Gold Mountain for a short time until he was married in 1971. For
the next six years Kuo Yu regularly attended the Master's lectures and
took part in other functions of the Sino-American Buddhist Association. He
also held down one and sometimes two jobs, obtained a Master's degree in
Chinese Language and Literature from San Francisco State University, and
began to raise a family. These were difficult times as he tried to sustain
the responsibilities of family life and the demands of student life.
In
the midst of this, during the 1973/74 Ch'an sessions, an experience
occurred which had a profound and lasting effect on Kuo Yu. He relates:
"That
session was something special because it was only the second one I had
attended since being married where I had a feeling of being able to make
some significant progress.
"I
took part in the first few days of the session, but after much internal
strife, left to spend the Christmas holiday with relatives. Upon my
return, I moved into Gold Mountain Monastery for the last four days of the
session. I must say, I had never worked harder at a Ch'an session in my
life. I sat every hour including the afternoon rest periods, and refrained
from talking. I was most encouraged by my distaste for the daily humdrum
boring existence, which I most certainly would have to return to.
"During
those last four days, I had numerous small awakenings which normally occur
when one puts forth some kind of effort, but the real experience happened
after the session was supposed to have ended. On the evening of the
fourteenth day during the Master's nightly lecture, he informed us that
this session was to be different because he had been waiting for the last
two weeks for someone to become enlightened and leap over numberless
kalpas of suffering; but because this person had not yet become
enlightened, the session was to go on for another four hours. During the
last hour, this person would become enlightened.
"After
the Master finished speaking he walked around the room looking at all the
cultivators and stopped when he came to me. He asked me in his way of
looking right through you and laughing if I was going to stay. I
responded, "Certainly." Originally I had decided not to stay for
those last four hours because I did not believe anything would happen to
me; but when the Master inquired directly of me, I decided to stay and
give it a try.
"The
Master gave specific instructions not to talk, not to look at the clock,
and not to look at one's watch. I took off my watch and resolved not to
talk or sleep if need be. The clock in the main hall was also
disconnected.
"The
session continued for two hours that night. Then there was a three-hour
break (the customary period for sleep), and we began again at 3:00 AM. The
first three hours were uneventful, but during the fourth hour something
happened that was quite subtle and wonderful.
"I
started out the hour knowing it was do or die. After a time I was
completely overcome with pain and frustration. I wanted to cry but the
tears could not be forced out. All of a sudden there was a release of all
this pent-up energy and I had a revelation: all I wanted to do was study,
practice, and propagate Buddhism; everything else seemed useless. With
this I renewed my efforts, but little else happened during the hour.
Feeling disappointed, I told the Master about this experience. His comment
was, "That was it."
"With
the passing of time, the subtlety of the experience and its implications
came to be understood. The wonder of it is that I will always remember the
moment of that experience. And since it, my interest and awareness of the
teachings of the Buddha have become more acute. I now realize more fully
the fact that Buddhism exists to teach living beings how to put an end to
their suffering and attain true independence and bliss.
"This
is just one example of how the Master works to aid living beings in their
quest for enlightenment. I feel extremely fortunate to have the chance to
receive his instruction. I feel that if it were not for his continued
diligence in teaching that I would be like a sailboat lost in a storm with
its rigging and sails torn to shreds. One with such perception and wisdom
should be venerated and supported by all living beings, for he bestows the
greatest gift of all, the gift of Dharma."
Finally
after numerous trial separations, Kuo Yu and his wife, Kuo Wan, decided to
end their marriage and go their own ways, she with their five year old
daughter, Kuo Ch’ing. It was at that time that Kuo Yu was free to follow
his wish to leave the home-life and study with the Venerable Master. On
August 29, 1977, he was allowed to have his head shaved—"Something
which I somehow knew I was destined to do..." he comments.
"Now,"
continues Kuo Yu, "it is my hope to be a worthy disciple of the Buddha
and help spread the orthodox Buddhadharma throughout the world so that
numerous beings will cease their defiled thoughts and actions and
cultivate that purity which is in each one of us." |
