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Standards for Students

®]ªG¨qµùÄÀ Explained by Jennifer Lin

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Chapter Three¡R FRATERNITY

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elder

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If an elder is looking for someone, we should look for that person for him.

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someone

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If the person they want is not there, we should first respond to the call.

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In speaking of the doctrine of Confucius, Zeng Zi said, "The doctrine of our teacher is simply loyalty and forgiveness." Loyalty means to do one's best. We must finish whatever we start. It also means having a cautious and respectful attitude, and an attitude of fairness and equality. Forgiveness means not doing to others what you wouldn't want done to yourself. This is an attitude of considering others' feelings, and is therefore great compassion. To have these good virtues, one must start developing them at home when one is young.

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For example, running errands for our elders can train us to be cautious and respectful in handling business. Why? Our elders must have urgent business to take care of when they call for someone. "When there's a task to be done, we as disciples should help out," so of course we must go and find the person they want to see. If the person we are looking for cannot be found and we don't go back to report to our elders, they will be there waiting and will be very worried. Wouldn't that be irresponsible on our part? So we must finish the errand completely. Not only should we go back to tell our elders that we can't find the person, we must ask further if they have anything else we can do. This kind of careful respect will help us to develop a sense of responsibility. A responsible person will not handle matters as if he didn't care, nor will he start out with big plans but end up doing very little. He is someone who can take on heavy responsibilities. This is the spirit of loyalty. Do not think that running errands for people is a petty chore; great virtues all begin with the practice of small deeds.

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Not calling elders by their first name is also a sign of cautiousness and respect. Children nowadays not only call their elder brothers and sisters by their first names, but also call their parents and elders by name. Some people defend this trend, saying that it lessens the distance between people, but in actuality it is opening the door to there being no distinction between elders and children. What is the result of all this? Children will become too familiar with their parents when they are little, and will not know to respect their parents. When children reach their pre-teens, if the parents do not fulfill their wishes, they will feel that their parents don't care about them anymore. When they grow up they will rebel and become unfilial children. Therefore when children are young, if the parents do not require them to respect their elder brothers and sisters, and merely think they are kidding and are cute when they speak and act with bad manners, later on the parents will experience anger. 

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Why shouldn't we exceedingly show off ourselves in front of the elders? There is a saying which reads, "One should only reveal 30% of himself", and another which reads, "It is not the one that hides the treasure who is to be blamed, but the treasure that is hidden by him that is to be blamed." We will cause less jealousy if we do not show off ourselves. It is not only to protect ourselves, but also to show compassion towards others. Just imagine, if someone tries to boast about himself regarding things that we are unable to do, we will we feel intimidated or embarrassed. From these small gestures, we can start to nurture a compassionate mind and learn to be considerate of others. This is "forgiveness."

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